


After He Jumped

by Klarge16



Category: Captain America, The Avengers
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron, Between Winter Soldier and Civil War, Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Canon Compliant, Captain America: Civil War, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, What happens after Captain America: The Winter Soldier, everyone's too busy for a relationsip, steve rogers - Freeform, trigger warning: suicide mention, winter soldier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-24 02:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 18,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10732176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klarge16/pseuds/Klarge16
Summary: My interpretation of the moments we didn't see between Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Captain America: Civil War





	1. Chapter 1

The soldier watched him fall for a full minute before jumping after him. The water was cold, but not the coldest he’d ever been. His right arm hung limp, but he swam for the man, and he hauled him up and to the shore, ignoring the pain. Why? He couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember why the man called him Bucky, why the man said “Till the end of the line.” Why the man hadn’t shot him back.

The white stripes on the man’s jump suit were stained red. The soldier didn’t think it was supposed to look like that. The man had been in the apartment, and on the bridge. And then again, on the helicarrier. But he still hadn’t truly hurt the soldier.  
The man said “please don’t make me do this,” and the soldier’s head had started to ache. He had to complete the mission though. Even with his temple pounding. The same pounding he’d had on the bridge, the same pounding as when he’d caught the shield on the rooftop. And then again, during the altercation with the woman, the widow. It had gone away, after the chair. But the memories, they were coming back. 

So he jumped.   
And he swam.   
And then he ran. 

The STRIKE team would be coming. At least he thought they would be. He abandoned the combat gear first. He’d lost the guns already, but he still had three knives. He nearly bit through his tongue when he put the shoulder back, but it was all in a days work. He made quick work of a clothes donation box, and spent the night in a shadowed abandoned warehouse.   
He was on his way away from the city, his head pounding again, when he saw the paper. There was a picture of the crashing helicarrier, and a smaller picture of the man on the bridge. 

The soldier turned around. 

It had been awhile since he had been undercover, but it was like shooting a gun, you didn’t just forget. He stored a small backpack he’d stolen with two knives and a change of clothes on his escape route. He hid the third, the smallest knife against his left arm. The metals were the same. 

He walked into the Smithsonian.   
He read.   
He watched.   
He listened. 

He was James “Bucky” Barnes.   
The man on the bridge was Captain Steve Rogers. Captain America. 

The soldier ran.   
His head was aching again.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony Stark spent more time on the phone than the average person. He was always calling someone, whether it was Pepper, Happy, Fury, Banner, or one of the various people who had his number for some reason.

 

Today he was talking to Natasha Romanof. And he had a bone to pick with her. “Why didn’t you call me Romanof? I know you have y number?”

 

She hesitated. He caught it, Romanof never hesitated. She always had an answer, she was the world’s greatest spy for pete’s sake. “We didn’t know who was Hydra and who was Shield.” Her answer was matter of fact, quite straight forward actually.

 

“Geez, Romanof, if you can’t trust the people you save the world with who can you trust?”

 

“Really, Tony? Cause I have a word for you: Mandarin.”

 

“Point taken, point taken. Do you still need backup?”

 

“No, no. Fury has it under control. Steve has it under control.”

 

But Tony was already shaking his head, even though he knew Nat couldn’t see him. “Like hell does Roger’s have it under control, Nat. The last News report said that he took three shots and then fell into the Potomac.”

 

“Who told you that? That’s confidential. Captain Rogers handled the Helicarrier situation, there were a few Shield casualties, and a number of Hydra casualties. All Shield and Hydra intel has been up uploaded for over 24 hours now.” Nat’s voice shook ever so slightly at the end.

 

“Is that what you told the press? You’re underestimating me, Nat. Pepper has a friend in hospital management.” Tony was grinning. He’d outspy the spy, or at least have accurate info. They were a team, they needed to stay updated even if they didn’t complete every mission together. “Now spill Romanof, how’s Roger’s really?”

 

Natasha heaved a great sigh. “He’s still unconscious. Two bullets had to be taken out surgically, and he had several organs that needed repairing. He need four separate sets of stitches.”

 

Tony whistled. “Why did he need four sets of stitches for three gun shot wounds?” Nat hesitated again. “Nat, I know this much just give me the full medical report.”

 

With another great sigh she spilled everything, Tony was really improving his interrogation skills. “Rogers had two imbedded bullets, one bullet grazed his arm and needed stitches, and he had one knife wound that needed stitches. He had three broken ribs, a fractured skill and concussion. He’s lucky to be alive. The docs are keeping him under for now, but he’s burning through the meds so fast it’s hard. Sam’s with him now.”

 

“Who’s Sam?”

 

“Steve’s new friend. He was a pararescue.”

 

“What went wrong?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“It isn’t like Rogers not to have a plan, what ruined this one?”

 

Nat paused again. That wasn’t good.

 

“A hydra operative was in play, Steve underestimated him.”

 

“Nat, I’m flying down now, and you and I both know Steve doesn’t underestimate Hydra. Spill everything.”

 

“Come visit the new Smithsonian exhibit, we can talk there.”

 

Nat hung up. She had actually hung up on him. Tony shook his head. Guess he was heading to DC if he wanted the full story. He’d best visit Rogers anyway, couldn’t have the old man dying now. And a generous hospital donation might help insure that.

 

  
 


	3. Chapter 3

The headline was huge—“Shield Infiltrated by Hydra”. The paper was sitting on Steve’s bedside table, untouched. A huge photo of a hellicarrier crashing into the Potomac accompanied the headline; a smaller picture of Steve in his dress uniform was underneath.

 

Nat had dropped off the paper when she’d visited earlier that morning, Steve had still been asleep and Sam hadn’t been in yet. At least Steve assumed it had been Nat, he wasn’t sure who else would leave a paper telling him a story he already knew next to his sickbed. It was time to leave the hospital, Steve knew it. The doctor’s though, they weren’t quite on board yet.

 

Steve still had several layers of gauze covering the bullet holes. It hadn’t quite sunk in yet—Bucky was the Winter Solider. Bucky had shot Steve, his oldest, really his only, friend. Steve’s cell phone was ringing. Nat must have dropped it off too. He answered out of habit, not bothering to check the number.

 

“Really, Cap? Crashing into the Potomac? Listen, Steve. I thought we’d figured this out, we’re a team now Cap,” Stark was still talking when Steve hung up. His phone was ringing again when Sam appeared in the door.

 

“Hey, man. The Doc said you tried to sign yourself out yesterday.”

 

Steve was staring out the window, about a million different thoughts running through his head at a time.

 

“Steve, can you listen for once in you goddamned life?”

 

Steve raised his eyebrows. Ow, his eye was still a bit swollen. But he could open and close it now. “Watch.” With one move he yanked the gauze off his arm—the skin was black and blue still, but completely healed. Steve repeated the motion with the gauze on his midsection. Just bruises.

 

“Man, you’re a freak. You seen the news yet?”

 

“No,” Steve still wasn’t really paying attention, he was eyeing the shield lying at the end of the bed.

 

“Earth to Steve—we gotta watch Nat.” The TV clicker was in Sam’s hand and he was quickly surfing the channels until he found the one he wanted. Natasha was dressed in a suit—one with a blazer and a skirt, not her usual widow suit. And she was speaking clearly to a room full of official looking men.

 

“What’s going on?” Steve sat up quickly enough that the hospital bed groaned and his hand left a noticeable dent in the guardrail.

 

“She’s defending you. Congress asked that you speak, but Nat argued that you were injured, and there she is.”

 

“Turn it off.” Steve was struggling, but had managed to stand up and was pulling on a pair of jeans that were laying in the corner.

 

“Dude, you gotta rest.”

 

“No time, let’s go.” Steve pocketed his cell phone before heading to the nurse’s station. “You got your car?”

 

Sam’s look was incredulous. “Do I have my car? You’re kidding right?”

 

Steve shrugged, “Just asking. I take it that’s a no?”

 

“Dude, your former best friend ripped the steering wheel out and then we crashed spectacularly. We’re taking the metro.”

 

“Come on then, we gotta rendezvous with Nat.”

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

The soldier headed south. He still had the three knives. First he stole a car. Then he hitchhiked. Then he went on foot. He didn’t know where he was going, but he was heading away from the city. Away from the hellicarriers. Away from the STRIKE team, and the man who’d been on the bridge.

 

He didn’t know where he was going, other than away. He needed to clear his head. But he also needed to be as far away from the STRIKE team as possible. He was resting in an empty boxcar, his backpack resting against the wall and a plain black notebook open in his lap. He’d taped a postcard from the Smithsonian exhibit inside, an artistic version of Captain America. The soldier was holding a pencil, but there was nothing written in the notebook.

 

He couldn’t remember. The museum said he was James Barnes. The man on the bridge said he was Bucky. Hydra called him Soldier. But he couldn’t remember. Why couldn’t he remember? He threw the pencil against the wall, where it broke in half. He curled up, his head in his hands, he didn’t know how to remember.

 

His head was constantly pounding. So constant that he didn’t even notice it anymore.

 

The train was starting to move. The solider slipped the notebook back into the backpack and stepped off the moving boxcar.

 

He didn’t know where to go. But he had to keep moving. There was a parking lot just across the street from the tracks. The soldier headed toward it.


	5. Chapter 5

“Be careful, Steve. You might not like what you find.” Steve started to open the file, and then seemed to think better of it. Nat wanted what was best for Steve, she really did. And what was best for Steve was to sit this one out and let her find the soldier. Would he listen? No. She’d have to stay out of his way, who knew how he’d react if he found out she was interfering. It was time to go to work.


	6. Chapter 6

The soldier wasn’t sleeping. The soldier wasn’t eating. He was slowing down.

 

But the solider couldn’t stop. If he stopped Hydra would find him. If Hydra found him he’d have to be their soldier again. Hydra’s soldier had to follow orders. Hydra’s soldier had to kill. Hydra’s soldier had to train the others.

 

The soldier wasn’t Hydra’s anymore. And he was heading south.

 

The soldier took trains. The soldier stole cars. The soldier even stowed away on an airplane. All he could think about was getting as far away from the Captain as possible. Where the Captain went, Hydra would be.

 

The soldier was driving, but when he began to see the signs for the Mexican border drawing close, he abandoned the truck he was driving. The soldier crossed the river on foot. Avoiding the border guards was almost too east. He did the same thing at the next border, and the next. But then, he reached the coast. The soldier had a choice, he could stay south, or he could go west, across the Pacific.

 

The soldier boarded the ship.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

The red haired woman was sitting on her phone in front of the screen showing an old newsreel. She was staring at her phone, but Tony Stark knew she wasn’t paying any attention to it at all. Everyone stared as he walked over to her and sat down. Sometimes being a super hero was hard. 

She eyed him without looking up. “You’re going to blow our cover.” 

Stark snorted. “What cover? I haven’t left my house without being recognized since my parents died.” Natasha rolled her eyes, but finally looked up from her phone. 

“With you here everyone will recognize me,” but she was smiling as she said it and pocketed her phone. “I want you to see the exhibit, and then I need your help, or rather, Steve needs your help.” 

“Why doesn’t Rogers ask for help then? He knows I’d say yes to almost anything.” Stark was genuinely confused. Nat just shook her head. 

“He won’t for this. I know he won’t. Sam called me a couple hours ago, Roger’s checked himself out of the hospital this morning.” 

Stark stared at her. “You said he had a cracked skull . . . “ he trailed off as Steve’s other injuries flashed through his mind. But Nat was already nodding. 

“He had surgery yesterday morning. Apparently when he woke up this morning there was nothing Sam could say to reason with him.” Stark swore, quite colorfully too. Nat rolled her eyes again. 

“There’s nothing we could say to convince him otherwise, we’ve got our own mission. Look through the exhibit, then come talk to me.” She turned and walked away, blending almost imperceptibly into the crown before Stark had even looked up at the screen in front of him. 

Tony looked up, finally tuning into the video playing on the screen in front of him. “ . . . on both schoolyard and battlefield, Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his county.” 

Tony knew about Bucky Barnes. How could he not? Every story that his father had every told about the Captain had included the Sergeant as well. Steve’s loyal sidekick. The man who had refused to return home after being captured and tortured, refused to leave Steve alone on the front had been Howard’s words. Barnes had died falling off a train in the Alps. Tony had even dug up the report, written by Rogers himself. Why did Nat want him to see this? Nevertheless, Nat was smart. Not as smart as he was, of course, but smart in a spy like way. 

So Tony toured the exhibit. 

Nat was waiting at the exit. She didn’t speak, simply raised her brows. Stark raised his back. He gave in first. “Why here?” Natasha’s smile fell. 

“The Hydra op that hurt Steve . . . its Barnes.”


	8. Chapter 8

Steve was reading the file for what felt like the hundredth time. He was sitting at his kitchen table, surrounded by four empty Chinese takeout containers. He jumped when the door opened, reaching for the shield leaning against the table leg. “Relax, man, it’s me.” Sam had another bag of takeout as he came into the dimly lit kitchen. “Steve, you need to take a break. Wait for something to turn up.” 

Steve just looked at him, dark shadows under his eyes. “I can’t Sam. He’s just . . . I can’t.” To his credit, Sam nodded understandingly. 

“We’ll get him, Steve. But if you don’t eat or sleep you won’t be prepped when we do have a lead.” Sam handed Steve a container of Pad Thai as he spoke. “Eat. You need it.” 

Steve was just opening his container and had lifted a fork to his mouth when his phone rang. Steve dropped his fork, it clattered to the floor and he scooped the phone up. “Captain Rogers.” 

“Rogers, listen.” It was Tony Stark. Steve inhaled sharply. 

“Mr. Stark.” 

“Come on now Steve, we know each other better than that.” Steve could practically hear him rolling his eyes. “I’ve been look . . . “

“How do I know you’re not Hydra?” 

 

The silence continued to stretch. 

 

Steve was raising his eyebrows, though he knew Tony couldn’t see through the phone. 

Stark finally spoke, “Do you really think that low of me, Rogers?” His voice had a serious note to it that Steve didn’t often hear. Stark let the silence stretch again. 

Steve heaved a sigh. “Honestly? I don’t even know anymore, Tony.” He shook his head. “Pierce, Sitwell, STRIKE, who knows how many others. I just, I don’t know,” Steve paused again. 

“Steve,” Stark’s voice had softened, but kept its serious tone, “did anyone tell you the full story of how I became Iron Man?” 

Steve’s silence spoke for him. 

“Steve, a friend of mine, a friend of my dad’s, wasn’t, he, well.” Stark paused. “He paid the terrorists to kill me to try and take over Stark Industries.” Steve swore softly, and Stark paused again before continuing. “But Steve, I trust Pepper with my life, and she worked for me at that point too. Believe me when I say I had no idea about Hydra, and neither did Barton, or Banner. Hell, I wonder if Thor even knows what SHIELD was.” 

Stark paused again, but as he drew breath to continue Steve stopped him. “Of course, I’m sorry, Tony. I haven’t been thinking straight.” At this Sam rolled his eyes, pointed at Steve’s abandoned take out, and mouthed, its getting cold! 

“Can I tell you what I called for now?” Stark was starting to sound impatient. 

“Of course, Tony. Sam’s here, do you mind if I put you on speaker phone?” 

“Oh sure, you trust your new wingman but not someone who took a nuke through a wormhole for you. Pun intended, I saw footage from the Triskelion, Rogers, we’ll have a conversation about that later. Put me on speaker.” This time it was Steve who rolled his eyes, as he hit the speaker button and put his phone down on the table. 

“Ready now? Ok, I was reading through the documents Romanoff released online. There’s some I thought you’d be interested in, they should be in your email now. Fair warning, Rogers, let Wilson read the first document over and give you the deets. The second one is a list of Hydra cells. I thought you’d be interested.”

“Than . . .”

“I have a meeting that Pepper says I cannot skip tomorrow morning, and that only happens about twice a year. I’ll be down to go over things in the afternoon. Until then, Cap.” 

“Wait, Ton . . .” Steve started, but Stark had hung up. Steve shook his head and turned towards his laptop, still sitting on the table, but Sam was there first, slamming the laptop shut before Steve’s fingers hit the keyboard. 

“Eat, Cap. I’m going to look through that document first, then we’ll talk.” 

Steve shook his head, but grudgingly picked up his fork again. “You know, I don’t think I can be called Cap anymore.” But Sam just shook his head, leaned against the counter and opened his own computer.


	9. Chapter 9

_He was standing on a cliff side. Multiple men stood behind him, but he didn’t know who they were, their faces blurs against the snowy landscape. A tall man stood in front of him. Wait, wait, he was speaking. His mouth wasn’t moving but there were words coming, words coming from him. “Remember when I made you ride the cyclone at Coney Island?” The wind is still howling, he swallows, and glances over the side of the side of the cliff._

_Wait, someone’s talking—it’s the tall man, the captain, “Now why would I do that?” He can hear the grin in his words. He glances over the side again, they’re at least two hundred feet up._

_One of the faceless men is speaking, “We were right, Dr. Zola’s on the train . . .” The man’s still speaking, but he isn’t listening. Zola, he shudders. Zola. Damn, he can’t do it. He can’t get on that train. Not if Zola’s there, if Zola gets his hands on him. No! He can’t! The Captain is speaking again, the Captain is zip lining. It’s his turn. He doesn’t want to. He can’t. No!_

_He does. He lands on the roof of the train. They’ve got to get inside, he follows the captain. The captain is safe. The captain won’t let Zola get him. No! They’re separated! Someone’s shooting, shoot back, shoot back. He has to get back to the captain, they have to stay together. He can’t let Zola get him. He can’t let Zola get the Captain!_

_The door is open, he breaths again. It’s over . . . no! No he’s still there, the side of the train is gone, they’re flying down the track. The Captain’s hit, he has to do something, he can’t let Zola get the captain._

_He pick’s up the Shield. Let him come. He does. He shoots. The shield takes it, but he’s thrown, he’s flying, hang on, hang on. The Captain—here’s here now. “Bucky!” Who the hell is Bucky? “Hang on! Grab my haaa . . . “ his voice is getting further and further away. Where is the captain going, why is he leaving him to hang here? Why doesn’t he help?_

“Ahhh,” the Soldier is yelling as he sits up. His chest is heaving. He can’t breathe. Why can’t he breathe? Where is he? He needs to relax. He can’t. Where is he?

The soldier gasps. He’s in the cargo hold of the ship. He needs to calm down, someone is going to find him. He grabs the backpack, blending into the shadows.

He was falling in the dream. He didn’t remember falling. The soldier glances at his metal arm. He’s fine. He isn’t falling. He was dreaming. But he never dreams. He shouldn’t be sleeping. He needs to stay alert. The captain had called him Bucky. The man, Steve Rogers—Captain America, had called him Bucky on the bridge. He doesn’t remember Bucky. The soldier opens his backpack, inside he has a notebook and a pen. He opens to the first page. He better write the dream down.

The soldier begins writing, every once in a while stopping to think. The captain in the dream . . . could he have been. The soldier closes his eyes, his head is starting to ache. No, he has to think this through. The captain on the train called him Bucky. The man on the bridge—Captain America, called him Bucky. The museum . . . the museum said that James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes had been Steve Roger’s best friend. He had to be Bucky. The soldier knows that he’s Bucky, but he can’t remember! The Captain, on the train had yelled Bucky when he fell. What if, the soldier’s eyes widened. What if it wasn’t a dream, what if it was a memory?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Implied suicide mention

“Sam,” Steve’s voice carries a warning tone, and he stands up from leaning against the kitchen counter. He’s pacing now, he can’t stand to sit still, doing nothing, for one moment longer. “What did Tony send in the email? If we’re going to help Bucky I need to read it.” 

But Sam is already shaking his head. “Wait until Stark gets here, man. I don’t think you need to know all of that about Barnes, it wasn’t . . . it wasn’t pleasant.” Sam has a look of complete distaste on his face. 

“Sam, if I start now I can be done reading by the time Tony’s here.” Steve doesn’t notice Sam rolling his eyes. 

“Cap, Steve, you need to sleep.” But Steve’s already shaking his head. 

“I actually don’t, I only need four or five hours every couple days. I slept long enough in the hospital. Can I see the printout now?” Sam had had to run to Office Depot to pick up enough paper to print the pages on the Winter Soldier. There were almost three hundred of them. 

“Has anyone told you you’re stubborn?” Sam’s voice is starting to crack. Steve just looks at him, blue eyes boring into Sam’s brown ones. 

“Sam, I have to know.” Steve looked down, then shook his head and met Sam’s eyes again. “I have to know, Sam. I just . . . it’s my fault, I have to know.” 

Sam gives him a long look. “Whatever you want man, and I wasn’t there, but I bet it wasn’t your fault. I’m going for a run, I’ll be back in an hour or so.” Sam leaves abruptly, the stack of paper still on the counter. 

Steve sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose, and rubbed his hands over his face before picking the stack up and taking it into the living room to read on the coach. The font is old, the reports were probably done on a typewriter, but they seem thorough nonetheless. There’s no name, Steve can’t tell who wrote them. He closed his eyes, head tilted toward the ceiling, let out a heavy sigh, and began to read. 

October 28, 1943

The Subject: Barnes, James Buchanan  
Nationality: American (ID Number 32557038)  
Subject Number: 12  
Previous Subject Outcome: Death 6 Hours after Injection

Subject 12 received Serum version 17 at 0800. Subject is still alive. Subject threw up twice, at 0915 and 1055. Subject passed out at 1115, and has been for five hours. Subject has shown no physical changes so far. 

October 29, 1943  
Subject 12 has still not woken up.  
October 30, 1943  
Subject woke briefly at 1340. When questioned about the whereabouts of the allied invasion the subject repeated his name and serial number. 

October 31, 1943  
Subject passed out again. 

November 1, 1943  
Subject passed out again. 

November 2, 1943  
Subject awakened at 1450. Subject questioned on his position in the military. Subject answered with his rank (Sergeant), name and ID number. Subject asked about previous medical history. Subject responded with rank, name and ID number. When threatened subject passed out again. 

November 3, 1943  
Subject escaped Hydra captivity. Subject walked out of the facility and has returned to American forces. 

February 8, 1945  
Subject reported Killed in Action by American forces. 

April 19, 1945  
USSR documents finding live soldier in the Alps. Hydra Operative convinces USSR government to utilize the subject for further experimentation. Subject appears to have fallen several hundred feet and survived several weeks. Conclusion: Subject’s Injection has proved successful. 

When Sam returned from his run the coffee table had been split in half, and the bathroom door was locked. Sam sighed, ran his hand over his face before picking up one of the scattered pieces of paper. The date appeared to jump off the page. April 19, 1945. Sam groaned. Steve had gone into the ice on March 4. It was all over the Smithsonian exhibit. Barnes had still been alive, lying somewhere in the Austrian or Northern Italian Alps. 

For weeks. 

A large crack runs up the wooden door. It wasn’t there when Sam left. “Steve?” Sam knocked on the door. “You ok man?” Steve didn’t answer, but he was breathing so hard Sam could hear through the door. Sam twisted at the doorknob, it’s locked. “Come on, Steve. Open up, man.” Sam listened for another second before speaking again, “Steve, if you don’t let me in I’m gonna have to bust the door down.” 

Nothing. 

It only took Sam one kick to open the door. Steve stood at the sink, two large dents in the countertop where his hands had been a split second before. Tears streak his haggard face. “Sam.” 

“Oh, Steve, man. Come on. Wh. . .” but before Sam can finish a knock rings through the house. Shit. Sam turned toward the door, then back to Steve. 

“Anyone home? I’m coming in, friendly Iron Man here for a visit.” Shit. It’s Stark. 

“In here,” Sam’s voice is just loud enough for Stark to hear it, Stark will have to pass the living room to get to the bathroom. Sam hears the exact moment he does, the steps pause, take in the broken coffee table, the scattered pages, the take out containers strewn across the kitchen table. 

“Fuck. Rogers?” Stark appeared in the bathroom door, “what happened?” 

Sam rolled his eyes, “what do you think happened? Why would you send that report, I don’t think he got more than a couple pages in. Come on Steve, I’ll get you a cup of coffee.” Sam took Steve’s arm and hauled him past Stark and into the kitchen. “Sit.” Steve eyed the mess in the living room once more before turning away and gratefully taking the cup of coffee from Sam. 

“Wilson, what happened?” Why can’t Stark leave it alone? Sam sighed, eyed Steve pointedly, and then looked back at Stark. 

“He insisted on reading the report. The dates, Stark. Didn’t you look at them? Barnes fell in February, but wasn’t recovered until April.” A loud crack split the room and glass and coffee exploded out of Steve’s hand. “Steve, go take a nap. Please.” Sam doesn’t even know what to tell him otherwise. 

Steve didn’t move, he just sat in his chair. “I should have gone after him. I knew he’d been with Zola. Why didn’t I go after him?” 

Sam’s about to open his mouth when Stark cuts in, “You couldn’t Rogers. I heard it from my dad a hundred times. That fall was over two hundred feet, I doubt you could have survived it. What were you supposed to do?” But Steve just shook his head. 

“No, I wasn’t thinking straight. I went was going to take out Hydra, and then, well.” He shrugged. “But I couldn’t do either right could I. Here I am. Here’s Hydra.” He shook his head, then looked up at both Sam and Stark. “We’ve got to annihilate Hydra this time. For good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used this post: https://end-o-the-line.tumblr.com/post/160559250981/a-captain-america-the-first-avenger-timeline-for to help with the dates, it's also super interesting if you want to take a look.


	11. Chapter 11

Natasha was sipping coffee outside the Paris café, quite contentedly too. A newspaper was open in front of her, but she wasn’t reading it. She was waiting for someone, and watching. Watching was a specialty of the Widow’s; she noticed things others didn’t. The widow didn’t appear to move when a tall blonde woman sat down across from her, but Natasha had seen the woman coming at least five minutes ago. 

Nat smiled, but skipped a formal greeting before saying, “did you bring the information?” 

The woman rolled her eyes before replying. “Of course. Don’t you want to catch up? How did you run into him?” 

Natasha’s eyes narrowed, “I’m not interested in catching up. I need the information and then I need to be on my way.” 

“Oh, Natalia, don’t be like that. Now tell me, why do you need the information on the solider?” 

Natasha was good enough not to move her eyes, and she looked the woman right in the eye before replying “I only have Hydra’s current files on the Soldier, I was sure there was more.”

“Of course there was more. But how far will you go to get it?” 

Most wouldn’t have seen Natasha move, but she slipped a fat envelope into the woman’s lap. “There’s plenty in there. I’ll take the file and be on my way.” There was something in Natasha’s eyes, and the blond woman hesitated, but nodded before producing a manila envelope out of nowhere, flipping it onto the table and disappearing. 

Nat sighed. She hated contacting the other widows, but this had been necessary. She had barely moved the envelope into her bag when a man took the woman’s seat. 

“Nat.” 

Her eyes flickered at him, she hadn’t been expecting him, but had known he was there. “Clint,” she’d reverted to English. 

“Nat.”

“What are you doing?” 

“Nat, I’m trying to help.” 

She raised her brows at him. “Clint, it’s fine. I’m just working on a little project now.” 

“What project? SHIELD’s gone, Nat. We’ve got to take out Hydra and move on.” 

His eyes suddenly narrowed. “Is this about Rogers? Leave it alone Nat, you’ll just get yourself hurt.” 

She shook her head. “I can’t . . . “ 

But her interrupted her before she could finish. “He’s already shot you twice Nat. He doesn’t remember. Let it go.” But she just shook her head. 

“I never knew, he was Barnes all this time and I never knew.” She shook her head before murmuring again “I never knew.” 

“It’s not your fault, Nat. Stark called me this morning, let him and Rogers handle it.” 

But the Widow shook her head before rising and disappearing into the crowd.   
 


	12. Chapter 12

It shouldn’t have been hard for the soldier to get off the boat. But his head was pounding so hard he didn’t notice the ship was docking. Men were swarming down the steps, beginning to unload the cargo. It was only the soldier’s talent at moving without being seen, and moving from shadow to shadow that got him out of the cargo hold unseen. 

The soldier shook his head, people didn’t see what they didn’t want to. He grabbed a discarded newspaper out of a bin as he headed down the street. The paper was written in Dutch. The soldier wanted to keep moving. The soldier had to keep moving. He didn’t know where he was going to go. But he had to go. 

The soldier had to move through the busy part of town before he found what he was looking for. The public library. The soldier made his way inside, and found his way to a computer. The soldier didn’t use a computer often, but occasionally, on long missions, their use would be necessary. He thought he could work one now. 

The soldier was wrong. He struggled to find what he wanted. “Can I help you dear?” A friendly looking elderly woman was speaking in Dutch to the soldier. 

“Oh, no, no I’m fine.” The woman nodded and turned to walk away before the soldier called out, “Wait, maybe you could help me read the news, the American news?” 

“Oh, of course dear. The search engine is here and then you just type which source you want into here. It’s just crazy isn’t, everything that’s been happening with Captain America and the American SHIELD isn’t it? Good luck dear.” The woman was meandering away towards another computer user before the soldier was truly seeing everything on his screen again. With the woman’s help he was able to find a few articles with updates to what he already knew. The Captain, he had been in the hospital. The soldier’s eyes widened as he read the list of injuries. 

He didn’t remember committing them. 

The soldier opened another article. Everything about Hydra. It was on the internet now. There was a link to the files. The soldier clicked on it. Someone had created an entire website, with link after link after link of information on Hydra. 

The soldier was still reading when the elderly woman came back, explaining that they were closing for the night.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha hunts down the Winter Soldier

The soldier should leave the city. He knew he should. He needed to find a new one, create an identity. It was too dangerous to stay. 

He couldn’t bring himself to leave. 

The soldier returned to the library every day to read more of the Hydra files. He wasn’t sure if he was remembering, or if he was learning from what he had read. But there were some things that he just knew that weren’t in any Hydra files. 

His mother’s name was Winifred. His father’s name was George. He had a sister, Rebecca. His best friend in the entire world was Steve Rogers. He’d protected Steve from bullies, Steve seemed to have attracted them. He’d set Steve up on dates. He’d lied to Steve, told him that he’d enlisted when in reality he’d waited for the draft. Steve had enlisted at a fair, and then showed up to rescue him from Hydra. Bucky had had Steve’s back, until he fell off the train. 

Bucky didn’t remember the train itself yet, but he’d read the report from Hydra. It was followed by a report detailing Hydra’s original demise, from which it had risen from the ashes, and Steve’s subsequent crash into the arctic. Updates had been made to the original report, which had simply read Valkyrie, MIA. 

The soldier was reading the documents with a purpose. He needed to know, was Hydra really gone? Or were they still out there? The newspaper acted like Hydra had gone down entirely with the helicarriers, or could Hydra still be out there? He needed to be sure it was all gone. 

He was still reading when he noticed it. Someone was watching him. The soldier logged off, and left the library. He turned right, then left, then left, then left, then right, then left. He’d never been to this part of the city, but it didn’t matter. They were still there, one on the ground one on the rooftops. 

The soldier took a deep breath. Maybe they wanted to talk? If not he was prepared. He had three knives, two hand guns, and a rifle. The streets were still crowded, he needed to be somewhere with less people. 

So that’s where he went. 

The woman had a harder time with less people, but it didn’t seem to aggravate her as it would some. She was still tailing him from a distance, he had to draw her closer. The soldier paused, counted to thirty, and then continued. He reached the edge of the river, and stopped. 

She was getting closer. And closer still. The soldier stayed where he was. Until . . . she was approaching him, he was sure of it. He fingered his handgun and turned around, but was silent. 

He knew her. 

He didn’t know how, but he knew her. She had been with Steve, with the Captain, on the bridge that day. He opened his mouth, but she spoke first, not in English, not in Dutch, but in Russian. 

“Do you know who I am?” She was incredibly calm, except for her right hand, which kept twitching towards where he assumed her gun was hidden. 

The soldier raised his eyebrows, but responded in Russian. He was still most comfortable with it, although the files he was reading made it clear that his first language was English. “You were on the bridge. You’re Natalia.” 

This time it was the red head’s who’s eyebrows went up. “No one ever mentioned my name on the bridge.” 

The soldier’s fingers closed on his handgun, but he didn’t draw it. “But, but. You’re not in the files,” he looked at her helplessly. 

“I am, but not until later. Around when Hydra worked with the Soviets. You worked with the Black Widows, I was there.” He nodded, but she wasn’t sure if he understood. 

“I haven’t read that far.” He looked her in the eye then, and whispered, “your earpiece, who’s listening?” 

“A friend,” she paused, took a breath, and carried on. “I can help you, Sergeant Barnes. I’ve done some very bad things as well, I can help you. Captain Rogers is on his way Sergeant Barnes, he can help you too.” 

But he shook his head. “I need to do it myself. I just . . . I need to remember.” She nodded, raised her right hand, and made to turn away, when he spoke again. “Who, who am I?” 

She paused, a look of utter horror on her face. “Sergeant Barnes, I thought you were reading the files?” 

“I was. But they talk about an American solder. They talk about Sergeant Barnes. They talk about a Howling Commando. They talk about the Asset, Codename Winter Soldier. Who am I now?” 

She eyed him warily, and he saw movement in the top window of a nearby building. Her backup. He drew his handgun, pointing it at her and asking desperately, “Who am I, Natalia?” 

“Who do you want to be Sergeant Barnes?” 

Her question threw him off guard. His hand wavered, and he blinked. When he focused again, she was gone. But he murmured to himself, “I’m Bucky.” 

Then he ran.


	14. Chapter 14

Steve had scoured the port in Rotterdam. Heck, he, Sam, and Stark had scoured the whole city. There was no sign of Bucky. Sam had helped, he really had. But after covering the entire city twice he was starting to pay more attention to Rotterdam than to searching the crowds for Bucky.

Steve didn’t want to give up. He couldn’t give up. He took a deep breath and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed Natasha first—she didn’t pick up. Steve shook his head, which caught Sam’s attention. He didn’t even have to open his mouth before Steve supplied the answer, “Nat’s not answering.” Sam frowned, shrugged, and went back to glancing in the windows of the shops they were passing.

Steve dialed again, calling Stark this time. “Capsicle. Have eyes on your friend?”

“No. We haven’t spotted him. Do you have anymore facial recognition?” Steve could hear the desperation in his own voice.

“No dice, Cap. I only had one image to go off of to begin with. The one from the library. And the woman you talked to said he’d been there everyday for the past week, but I only had an image of him leaving today. He messed up for some reason.”

“Any idea why?”

“The computer saves all the websites visited unless it’s been reset, he’s been reading Hydra information. The same files we’ve been going through. I’m not sure which one he read.”

Steve frowned. He hadn’t been reading the files in order, but jumped around from date to date to try and follow all the horrible things Hydra had done to Bucky. He needed to know. “I guess we’ve got to read them all then, Sam and I’ll meet you at the jet, we can get further at home than here. Thanks, Tony.” Steve hung up. He had stopped paying attention to where he was going, being sure to follow Sam’s dark hat through the crowds when he slammed right into Sam. “Sam?” Sam simply pointed at what he was looking at.

Sam had stopped to look at a church. It was enormous. A huge brick tower soared into the sky, with a triangle shaped roof on either side. The sidewalls each had a large stained glass window, and tourists trickled in and out of the tower door. Steve could see why Sam had stopped, it was beautiful.

The two men stared for a full minute before Steve said, “let’s go in.” Sam turned to look at him, shocked, but Steve had already started for the door, and Sam had to jog to catch up.

Steve didn’t know why he was going in the church. He hadn’t been to church since before Bucky left for England. “Steve, man, we don’t have . . . “

“No, I just, I need someone to talk to.”

“I’ll listen man, Tony will listen, Nat will listen.” But Steve wasn’t stopping. He pushed his way right through the door, through the entry and into the cavernous sanctuary. Sam shrugged and turned away.

Steve was grateful, he wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing here, but he could hear his mother’s voice in his head, echoing the Lord’s Prayer, and whatever extra sentiment was in her head for the day, before bed each night.

Steve was on a mission. He barely glanced at the architecture, settling into a pew near the back, before kneeling on the stool in front of him and clasping his hands together. But then he sat there. He hardly knew what to do.

Finally, he spoke barely above a murmur, though it didn’t matter, no one was listening. “I don’t know if you’re listening to me. It’s been so long. I just,"  His voice cracked. Steve took a deep breath and continued. "I just want to find my friend. Please, give me strength to keep going, and give me strength to help him. And, God, please grant me patience. And please be with Bucky. Amen.”

Steve stood up abruptly, he suddenly felt out of place. He found Sam with his eyes and gestured toward the door. Sam met him at the exit. He didn’t say anything about their detour. “We’re meeting Tony at the airfield. We’ve got to go read the Hydra files. All of them.”


	15. Chapter 15

Tony Stark had been reading Hydra files for the past three days, and he still didn’t know what he was looking for. He’d gone through twice as much material as Sam and Steve; they had to be getting to the end of it. At least he hoped they were. The files were either boring, or horrifying with nothing in between.

 

Steve was sitting at the table, and every time he read something particularly distressing he clenched the table so hard that pieces crumbled in his hands. Tony had tried to help. He really had. But, well, he and Rogers struggled to see eye to eye at the best of times. He’d finally put his headphones in, tried his best to ignore Steve and consumed three more cups of coffee.

 

Tony picked up his coffee cup, and was halfway through a long sip when a loud noise penetrated Back in Black and he spilled the lukewarm liquid all down his front, soaking a stack of papers in the process. He stood up, ripping the headphones out of his ears, but Steve had fled. Sam was standing in front of the couch. Even he looked at a loss for what to do. “Wilson? What did he read?” But Sam just shook his head.

 

“I need a break. I’ll be back soon.” And just like that Sam walked out the door.

 

Damn it.

 

Tony had to know what had set Steve off.

Tony approached the table, but, Jesus, he’d never even met Barnes. He started flipping the papers over. Fuck. Who had split these papers up? He’d had Hydra administrative details, lists of deceased SHIELD agents working for Hydra. But Steve? Steve had the files documenting everything done to Barnes since 1945.

 

_April 30, 1945_

_Subject’s arm unsalvageable. Amputated below the shoulder. Subject unconscious for second half of procedure. Prosthetic in development._

_May 4, 1945_

_Infection detected in subject’s left shoulder. Antibiotics applied orally. Subject has mentioned the name ‘Steve’ several times. Subject made to sleep._

_May 10, 1945_

_No further signs of detection in subject. Blood samples drawn from subject. Subject must be kept gagged. Subject appears to be gaining strength at a rapid rate._

_May 17, 1945_

_Subject participated in first day of conditioning. Subject resisted, and is expected to continue._

_May 18, 1945_

_Subject continues to resist conditioning._

_May 23, 1945_

_Subject continues to resist conditioning._

_June 1, 1945_

_Subject told that Captain Rogers has been reported Killed in Action._

_June 10, 1945_

_Subject continues to resist conditioning._

_June 13, 1945._

_Subject fit with prosthetic arm. Subject attempted to strangle technician. Subject restrained with tranquilizer. Subject put in cryofreeze._

_March 10, 1950_

_Subject revived to begin conditioning and training._

_Tony had to stop reading. He skimmed the rest of the papers. What they had done to Barnes, he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy—and he had a lot of them. He’d bet money that Steve had read the entire pile of notes. He flipped to the last page._

_April 1, 2014_

_Winter Soldier reported target escaped. Soldier was able to track target and eliminate. Soldier reported encounter with Captain Rogers._

_April 5, 2014_

_Winter Soldier eliminated first target. Soldier and STRIKE team captured second target and accomplices. All later escaped. Soldier wiped and recalibrated. Soldier should be kept away from Captain Rogers in the field at all costs._

_April 6, 2014_

_Winter Soldier recalibrated and assigned to Project Insight. Further information to follow._

 

There was nothing else. Tony almost missed the final page. It had been crumpled and smoothed out again. It was a list of names, and dates. Tony’s eyes widened. It was a list of assassinations.

 

When Tony got to Kennedy, John F, he ripped the paper in half. He’d do some tinkering to make sure the wrong people didn’t find this list. That was the last thing Steve needed, someone bringing Barnes up on charges for these.

 

The front door banged, Sam was back. He eyed Tony standing at the table. “Find anything?”

 

Tony shook his head. “Reports on Barnes. From ’45 till this year. We shouldn’t have let Steve see them.”

 

Sam shook his head. “We can’t hide this from him. He needs to cope in his own way. I’ve got to show him this form my pile.”

 

“What is it?” Tony jumped again. He needed to pay more attention. Steve was standing in the doorway. His face was dry, but his eyes were swollen and red rimmed. “What’d you find, Sam?”

 

“Look.” Sam produced a sheet of computer paper from his pocket and handed it to Steve. “It’s a list.” He eyed Steve carefully before turning back to Tony. “Of the current Hydra bases.”

 

Damn. Tony put his coffee cup down on the table. “We have to, we have . . .” but he trailed off when Steve stepped forward.

 

“I’m not going to stop until all of Hydra is dead or captured. We have work to do.”


	16. Chapter 16

_The soldier was sitting below the windowsill. He was sweating in jeans and a leather jacket, dressed to blend in. Thousands of people were lining the street below him. He wasn’t there for any of them though. The noise was deafening, he couldn’t stand it. There. A change in the noise of the crowd. It was time._

_The convertible was rolling down the street, two people sitting in the back waving to the crowds as they cheered. The woman was vibrant in pink. But she was not the target. The soldier had to wait until the car was past him. That was the best shot. He followed the car in his scope. It seemed like forever. Finally. Finally, the car was in the right place._

_The soldier lined his scope up, he didn’t need it really, but he had to be sure. He pulled the trigger, felt the bullet leave the barrel, and fled. He didn’t need to see his bullet hit the target, he knew it had._

_The soldier needed to get to the rendezvous point. He sprinted down the stairs. He needed to be at the street level, all eyes would be on the upper floors where he’d shot from. He pulled a ball cap out of his bag, shoving his rifle back in its holster, pulled a dark glove over his silver hand and stepped out onto the street._

_It was chaos._

_The soldier picked his way through the quickly dwindling crowd. There it was, the safehouse. His handler would be there. He made his way inside, silently. The handler was waiting for him._

_“Soldat.”_

Bucky was screaming. He couldn’t stop. His head was pulsing in pain, and his screams turned to gasps as his throat constricted. He couldn’t breath. He needed to breath. He put his head in his hands. He couldn’t breath. He curled his legs into his chest.

 

1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . he was counting aloud in Russian. He needed to calm down. 7 . . . 8 . . . 9 . . . 10 . . . 11 . . . no one was coming for him. He was sleeping in a car on the side of the road. He’d taken it from Rotterdam. No one knew he was here. He was safe. He needed to find a library to read more of the Hydra files. He needed to write down what he had just dreamed.

 

Bucky breathed in. H reached for his backpack. His notebook was in it, and his pencil. He scratched out his dream. It was still pitch black outside, nowhere near dawn. He sighed, turned the engine over, and pulled out onto the road.


	17. Chapter 17

She knew what she was doing. Oh course she did. Nat always knew what she was doing. The Hydra bases had to be taken out—all of them. She was still watching. Clint was up high, he saw better from far away. It was a simple building, a concrete cube really. But it was so far out in the boondocks on privately owned land that you’d have to know it was here to find it. 

“Nat?” Clint’s voice was in her ear. 

“Wait.” They needed to be careful. Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzz. Natasha could feel her cell phone vibrating in her pocket. Without removing it she sent the caller straight to voice mail. Hardly anyone even had that number. And those who did would be fine without her for another ten minutes. 

“Romanov.” Natahsa jumped. That wasn’t Clint’s voice, he was the only one on this comm. 

“Clint?” 

“Guess again, Widow.” 

“Stark.” She sighed. It was just like Tony to insert himself in something like this. “Leave it to Clint and I, we can handle this.” 

“I wouldn’t count on that. There’s at least fifty men in that fortress.” 

“We have a plan.” She was gritting her teeth now. 

“Tasha, you know it’ll work better with them here.” Clint was on the move, she could hear it in the background. 

“Fine. With Stark we can go in from the top and work our way down. Tony, we’ll need a ride.” 

“It’ll work best if Sam and Tony work from the top down and we work from the bottom up.” Steve’s tone was hard. 

Natasha shook her head. “Sit this one out, Rogers. It’s too personal for you.” 

“I have to finish what I started, Nat.” 

“No, you don’t. You’ve done enough. Let us handle this, Steve.” She was whispering now, “let us do this for you, please.” She could hear the wind in his microphone, he was shaking his head at her. “Steve, please.” 

“I can’t do it, Nat,” she could hear his voice crack, ever so slightly. And then it was as hard and commanding as it had been before. Far harder than Steve’s voice normally was. He was angry. God, why had Stark brought him? “Stark, Wilson, are you in position?”   
“Affirmative, Cap.” 

“Wait for my signal. Nat, Barton can you see my position?” 

“Affirmative.” Clint didn’t mind that the others were here, she could tell. But he didn’t know Cap like she did. He was hurting and angry and hadn’t been out of the hospital long enough. This wasn’t going to end well. 

“Clint you bring up the rear, copy?” She had missed that last order, but it wouldn’t be hard, they’d taken buildings like this before. One door per floor, one stairwell. She knew the plan without Steve telling them. She was going to have to keep an extra eye on him, Stark should not have let him come. 

“Ready, Nat?” Clint was eyeing her, he knew she was thinking something without sharing it. She nodded at him, she was fine. 

Steve gave the signal, and they burst through the door.   
 


	18. Chapter 18

It hadn’t been hard for them to take the Hydra base. Just a quarter of the personnel remained, and they hadn’t put up much resistance. Steve didn’t even have a scratch.

Nat was waiting at the door. “Tony’s getting everything off the computers upstairs, I’m doing one more walk through of the basement, and I’ll meet you at the jet,” he nodded toward the stairs to the left of the door. Nat simply raised her eyebrows.

“I don’t think you should stay by yourself in a Hydra base, Steve,” she said. He shrugged. She didn’t think he should have come. Thought he was too emotionally invested. He could tell without her saying so many words. She followed him down the stairs. All the files had been stored upstairs near the computers. The bottom floors were empty.

Steve gestured toward the door, “let’s go. Everyone else is already at the jet.”

Steve had been so sure that there would be more information here. But they had simply just found files. Files that were probably duplicates of what Nat had already uploaded. He needed more information. He couldn’t find Bucky with just what they had, he was trying and it wasn’t going well. He didn’t to do more, he needed . . .

His eyes widened. The leaves in one of the trees was moving, but there wasn’t any wind. What in the world?

Natasha processed it a split second before he did, “Cap, sh—“ but she hadn’t finished her warning before a CRACK disturbed the forest and a man tumbled out of a tree.

Steve threw his shield toward the Hydra agent in the tree, but it was too late. The man was on the ground, if the gunshot hadn’t killed him the fall probably had. He didn’t bother to wait for the shield to ricochet back before he’d turned to run.

Sam, Tony, and Clint had heard the gun shot and were standing on the quinjet ramp. Their voices were a jumbled mess in his ear. Someone had to have fired at that agent, and it hadn’t been an Avenger.

“Does anyone have eyes on the gunman?” Steve had reached the left edge of the clearing.

“Negative.”

“Negative.”

“Negative.”

Steve listened for a fourth voice, it never came. “Nat?” “Nat! Check in.” But she still didn’t speak.

And then, Steve heard Natasha’s voice, but she wasn’t speaking English. She wasn’t speaking French or German either. Was it Polish? He listened to Nat say something else, and then she fell silent. No, it was Russian. “Jarvis, can I get a translation?”

But Nat was a step ahead of them—her com was suddenly gone. “Nat?” “Romanov are you there?” Steve couldn’t see her either. He saw Clint stiffen from 250 yards away, but there was anyone could do, except wait.

Steve couldn't, he bolted for the trees, only to see Natasha returning to the group, alone.


	19. Chapter 19

Steve was locked in his room again. He’d swept the area himself while the rest of them watched. Well, the rest of them except for Wilson, who’d searched from the sky. Then he’d yelled at Nat until Clint had stepped between them, stormed aboard the quinjet, and brooded the entire way home. 

Tony had watched in awe. Steve was falling off the deep end. As soon as Steve had slammed his door Tony had turned on Natasha, ready to let her have it. But she’d stood there, dragging her hand over her face. 

“What would you have me do, Tony?” She caught him off guard, he hadn’t expected her to defend her actions. 

“Steve knows him, Nat. He needs to take the lead on this.” Tony was sure of it. If it were Pepper or Rhodey, he’d want to be the one making the calls. Before he could say anything else, Clint had shouldered his way into the conversation. 

“Rogers isn’t thinking right, he can’t make these calls. Nat should do it. She knows the Soldat.” Tony only had time to raise his eyebrows at Barton, before Wilson joined the conversation. 

“Steve grew up with him. They served together, not many people could know someone better after all of that,” Sam’s voice was quiet, but had the authority of someone who knew what he was talking about. 

Tony had to agree with Sam. Rhodey shared things with some of his military buddies that Tony could never understand. But Natasha was shaking her head. Sam crossed his arms over his chest , but she ignored him. “In the red room,” she paused. The silence stretched before she took a deep breath and continued, “in the red room, we learned from the best they ever had. I didn’t know at the time, but of course Hydra was involved. He was the first of Hydra, the best spy, the best Soldat. He was the Winter Soldier.” 

Everyone was talking at once. Tony couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Clint and Sam were yelling over Nat, who was trying to defend something . . . herself? The Soldier? Tony wasn’t sure. He needed answers. 

“Attention!” It was Steve, standing in the doorframe of the living room. It was a miracle he hadn’t come out earlier. He had to have heard every word they’d said, Tony thought. They hadn’t exactly been whispering and his hearing was enhanced after all. He raised his eyebrows, “Nat?” 

She signed, and Clint opened his mouth, but she waved him off, turned around and took a seat on the couch, curling her legs up underneath of her. “When I was young, I was recruited for the Black Widow program. My parents had nothing in the communist era, they thought they were helping me.” Steve frowned, and opened his mouth, only to close it and nod at Natasha to continue. “There were several,” she paused, “stages to one’s training. When you reached a certain stage, the Winter Soldier would take over. He was,” She paused again, glanced a Steve, and continued. “Less harsh than the others, he always followed orders, and only orders. He taught us well. The first time he shot me,” she shook her head. “I was sure he’d know who I was, we worked together quite . . . intimately.” She shrugged, “apparently not.” 

Steve was still standing in the doorframe, but had crumbled a hand sized hole into the dry wall next to him. 

“Steve, you’ve got to get ahold of yourself or there won’t be any house left,” Sam had stood up and steered Steve into a chair. Steve appeared not to notice. 

“Cap!” Tony pointed at the drywall, ‘You’re ruining Sam’s house.” Steve started, and truly looked at the hole he’d made in the wall. 

“Oh,” he looked at his hands, “sorry Sam. I can . . . “ he trailed off. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Sam glared at Tony, who shrugged. 

“Just keeping his head in the game,” Tony nodded at Steve. “We need him sharp.” Tony’s tone was light, but he was deadly serious. They needed Cap’s head in the game if they were going to find the Winter Soldier. Nat might know him, but it was Cap that had sent him rogue. 

“Will you tell the rest, Nat?” Steve’s voice was almost desperate. Geez. Tony’s dad had said that Cap hadn’t been the same after Barnes’ death, but that was like saying Obadiah had been out to get Tony. It just didn’t tell the whole story. Had any of them ever even met the real Steve? Tony had been unimpressed that the Steve he knew didn’t match Howard’s description, but maybe Barnes’ death was the reason for it? Steve hadn’t been around very long himself after Barnes’ death. 

Natasha was talking. But Tony’s eyes widened as he watched Steve’s face. He wouldn’t have . . . would he? Not Steve . . . Aunt Peggy, the other commandos, they’d all come through the war. All except Barnes . . . and then a few weeks later, Captain Rogers. “ . . . ly the for a few weeks of the year, we assumed he was on missions the rest of the time, but” 

“Steve,” Tony cut Natasha off. The small group looked at him, Steve’s face haggard with emotion, the rest of them with raised eyebrows. “Steve, why did you crash the Valkyrie?” 

Cap hadn’t been expecting the question, he answered almost automatically. “The Red Skull, he had it loaded with nukes and the autopilot was headed for New York. I can’t fly,” he shrugged. The easiest way to make sure the bombs weren’t dropped was to put it in the water.” He finished, but Tony was already shaking his head, something didn’t add up. 

“But, wasn’t Dad there? Couldn’t he have talked you through it? Why didn’t you give someone your coordinates? Aunt Peggy said you had her on the radio?” Tony was pacing, talking almost to himself.   
“I don’t want to talk about the Valkyrie,” Tony started at Steve’s voice. It was his Captain’s voice, and commanded no argument. “Thanks for the info, Nat.” And with that, he stood up and retreated the bedroom again. 

When the door was shut firmly behind him, Natasha turned back to Tony. He was shaking his head after Steve. Nat opened her mouth, but Tony cut her off. “If I’m not mistaking Cap crashed that plane on purpose.” No one spoke, but Wilson shook his head, and Nat’s brow furrowed. Tony heaved a sigh, they were quite the motley crew. “So. We know about the soldier, we know about Steve. What’s next?”


	20. Chapter 20

He can’t believe he almost blew it. He’s still running. She asked if he needed time. He hadn’t answered, which seemed to have been enough for her. Did he know her? 

H was still sprinting. The Captain was fast, he had to be faster, and stealthier. Spying was not the Captain’s strong suit. How did he know that? It didn’t matter right now. 

He just needed to get away. 

He shouldn’t have come, but hadn’t been able to stay away. He had the list, he needed to make sure they couldn’t hurt anyone else. Needed to make sure he couldn’t hurt anyone else. 

He hadn’t known they’d be there. How could he? He’d only known of their existence for a few weeks now. The Captain, and the man with the wings—they’d been on the helicarriers. The woman with the red hair, and her companion, they knew each other. But how? 

And he’d be a fool not to know about the man in the metal suit—he was on every TV in the world at least once a week. 

They couldn’t be following him anymore could they? He didn’t know how fast the Winged Man or the red suit could fly. Hiding was his best option. It didn’t sound like anyone was in pursuit, but you could never be sure with enhanced people. 

He doubled back. 

Barnes had only met a few of them, but they’d been quite a bit harder to eliminate than regular humans. If the red headed woman hadn’t been enhanced she’d be dead several times over. 

No, he didn’t need to kill anyone. He wasn’t the Soldat, He was Bucky. Bucky Barnes. 

He turned North. The trees were thinning. 

He needed one big enough to hold him, he found one in a small grove, where his view would still be good. He jumped for the first branch, and scaled the rest easily. 

He needed to think. He couldn’t risk running into them again. But needed to be sure, Hydra had to be destroyed. 

The museum had said that the Captain had been his friend, inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield. Maybe, maybe it was time to find him? 

No. He couldn’t, not after the hellicarrier. But why was the Captain trying to find him so badly? The woman had said he would come. She’d said if needed to run to do it because the Captain wanted him to come home. 

Home. The museum said Brooklyn. He was most comfortable speaking Russian. He’d always woken in the cryo tube. He didn’t know where home was. 

Maybe it was time to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm still plugging away at this, I have a lot of thoughts about what happens off camera. I like to stay as canon compliant as possible, but we'll see how it goes. I have other hobbies and a full time job, so please ignore the typos, run ons, and other grammatical mistakes.


	21. Chapter 21

Natasha knew why Steve was pushing them. And she was sure the rest of them did as well. It was the logical conclusion--if the Soldat had shown up at one Hydra base why not at the others? 

She’d come to the same conclusion. It was luck that they hadn’t run into him yet. The fourth base they’d visited had been emptied. Bodies here and there, the important information left behind. The surveillance camera had caught a glimpse of Barnes before he’d taken it out. 

Tony, Sam, and Clint had been in awe—he’d taken the entire base out himself. And it had been the same size as the one where they’d first run into him. 

She wasn’t surprise. This was the Soldat she knew. Steve hadn’t appeared surprised either, he’d seen the Soldat in action. There was a big difference between seeing the results of an angry Soldat and reading about it in old files. 

“Nat?” It was Steve. She raised her eyebrows, he’d been avoiding her since their run in with the Soldat. “Why didn’t you get him to stay?”

She raised her eyebrows, “How do you know I didn’t try?” 

“I run 100 meters in six seconds, Nat. If you’d tried I would have been there.” There’s a beginning of a smile on his face, but she made sure to choose her words carefully. 

“I think . . . I think he needs time for himself. To find himself again. He’s not their pawn anymore, but I’m not sure he can be the Bucky you knew then either.” 

Steve’s face darkened. “Has it occurred to anyone that I’m not the man who went in the ice in ‘45?”

Natasha started, she wasn’t typically caught so off guard. Had she been reading Steve wrong? 

“Steve, I,” she trailed off. 

“No. It’s fine. I get it. Seventy years for you felt like a night’s sleep for me. When I woke up not only is my best friend still dead, but so was everyone else I knew,” Steve turned on his heel and strode away, back to his corner of the quinjet. 

Natasha ran her hand over her face. Why couldn’t something go her way just once? She and Steve had always gotten along well, both in and out of the field. Tony was looking at her from the pilot seat. She raised her eyebrows, “Shouldn’t you be watching where we’re going?” 

Stark grinned. “JARVIS is watching.” He nodded at Steve and Sam conversing quietly in the corner, “He’s gonna be fine. You know, I’m starting to think we’ve never seen real true Steve?”   
She sighed, “I know we haven’t. I just didn’t think he’d drop the façade so easily.” Tony looked at her like she was crazy, and she dropped her voice even lower. “Haven’t you read his entire file, Stark? He completely lost it after Barnes fell.” 

“Right, he practically admitted her crashed the Valkyrie on purpose, but,” Natasha shook her head, cutting him off. 

“It’s more than that. After Barnes fell, it was one of his team that finished the job and captured Zola. It’s a miracle Steve walked out of those mountains. They sent him to London for leave, standard procedure. He sat through a bar through an air raid.” 

“Yeah, but,” 

“No, Tony, the bar was hit. It was blown to smithereens and according to Agent Carter’s report he just sat through the entire blackout. He went through three bottles of whiskey before he realized he couldn’t get dunk. And then? He created a plan to take out Hydra with himself as the bait.” 

“And then he crashed the Valkyrie.” 

“Yep. And when they found him what did we do for him Tony?” 

“Well, SHIELD and Fury, put him in that room. Coulson said he said he was fine.” 

“Don’t make excuses. We recruited him to fight aliens in New York. We needed him on that team, but I’m not sure it was good for him. And then? He worked for SHIELD.” She shook her head. “I’m glad he has Sam, he needs him. But I think we’re finally seeing him grieve, Tony.”   
 


	22. Chapter 22

Tony landed the quinjet himself. They were exhausted. No one had lifted a finger at the site, but flying halfway around the world and back again was always exhausting. 

He couldn’t help Steve. He had work to do. He missed Pepper. She wouldn’t be in New York anyway, she was in Berlin, or was it London? He couldn’t remember. 

Nat said Steve was grieving. 

“JARVIS, can I have a timeline of Captain Roger’s war actions?” 

“Certainly.” 

Tony looked around. Everyone was taking some time to themselves. Steve had shut himself in the bedroom again, Clint was crashed on the couch. Nat was scrolling through her phone. Sam was cooking eggs. He slipped into the den. 

As promised Steve’s timeline was on his phone. 

Steve was given the serum in 1943, but he worked for the propaganda office until he went rogue at the Italian front in ’44. Tony knew all this, there was nothing new. He needed the personal story. Maybe that would help him understand Rogers. There was no one except Barnes still alive that had known Steve then. Colonel Phillips, his father, the Commandos, they were all gone. His eyes widened. All except . . . Aunt Peggy. 

“Romanov,” she glanced at him before going back to her phone, “I’m going to visit an old friend. Don’t let Steve take the jet without me, ok?” She waved him off, apparently unconcerned with his comings and goings. 

Tony shrugged, stepped outside, and called his suit. 

 

Peggy Carter lived in a nursing home in Arlington. Tony made sure someone kept him updated. Peggy was actually his Godmother, and she and her husband had been around often when he’d been growing up. 

They knew him at her home. He’d been a few times before, and Peggy was a fairly high profile patient, though Tony was her most famous visitor by far. It wasn’t a big deal when he visited now, not like it had been the first few times. He approached Aunt Peggy’s room uninterrupted by any staff, only to run into a young blond woman in the doorway. 

“Tony.” 

“Sharon.” Her greeting wasn’t unexpected, he was fifteen years her senior, and she’d never truly cared for him to begin with. Something about her father hadn’t trusted his father, despite Peggy’s assurances. She pushed him back into the hall. 

“You should have called first, she saw the news a few days ago and has been upset since,” Sharon’s tone was accusatory. 

“Who let her watch the news?” Tony raised his eyebrows. 

“It was a good day. She insisted. She’s been lucid since, ordering people around like she used to.” 

“Well, that’s good isn’t it?” Tony was confused, they wanted her lucid right? But Sharon was shaking her head. 

“It saps her strength. Being upset like this. We want her lucid and relaxed. Don’t wind her up, ok? I’m on my way out, but Tanya,” Sharon nodded at one of the nurses, Tony waved at her, “promised to update me before she left. Tony, she knows about Sergeant Barnes being alive, but, we’re not telling her about Hydra,” Sharon sighed. “It was her life’s work, Tony.” 

Tony frowned. “Wouldn’t she want to know about Agent Barnes?” Sharon eyed him, glanced at her aunt through the door and sighed. 

“I’m honestly not sure, Tony. But . . . just don’t make her want to get out of bed and fix everything, alright? She’s too fragile for that. And she just might remember it, ok?” 

“She practically raised me, Sharon. She’s the only family I have left. It was her and Obie, and now just her. She deserves to know, but I won’t tell her about Hydra.” Sharon nodded, turned on her heel and was halfway down the hall before she paused. 

“You, you made sure Steve’s alright with this, right?” Tony paused, caught off guard by the question. 

And then he lied through his teeth. 

“Of course. Steve’s busy reading files, or he’d have come himself.” She nodded once more, cocked her head to the side, shook it and waved him off before heading towards the exit. 

Geez, Tony shook his own head. Sharon was getting more suspicious of him by the week. Maybe he should visit Aunt Peggy more? He shook his head and stepped into her room, throwing his arms wide, “Aunt Peg, guess who?” 

“Howard? Is that you? I haven’t seen you in forever, come over here. We have so much to catch up on. Would you like some tea?” Tony stopped, hadn’t Sharon said it was a good day? 

“Aunt Peggy, you, you know it’s me, it’s Tony?” She laughed.   
“Of course dear, you look so much like your father anyone would mistake the two of you.” She gestured towards a teapot and extra cup sitting on the side table. “You’ll have to help yourself, dear.” 

Tony nodded. Peggy was the only person who said he looked like Howard. Of course Steve had never had to be introduced to him, and seemed to know right away. But that could be because of the news. “What brings you here, Tony?” He nearly dropped the teapot, just barely managed to catch it, scalding his hand. 

“Can’t I just come visit my Godmother?” He set his empty tea cup down and settled into the chair by her bedside. 

“You could. But you don’t. What do you want, Tony?” 

Tony chuckled. “You’re the same as ever Aunt Peg. You’ve heard of the Smithsonian exhibit?” 

“Heard of it? They needed my permission to use all that old tape. I haven’t, I haven’t seen it yet though. Steve said it was nice. It was nice, wasn’t it?” 

“Oh yeah. It’s wonderful, Peg. Just great. I gave a sizeable donation you know,” he spoke with bravado he normally reserved for the cameras. Her eyes widened. 

“I didn’t, that was very kind, Tony. Now come, come. I’m going to need a nap before,” she broke off in a coughing fit. Tony handed her a glass of water without speaking and she smiled at him. 

“What did you want to ask about the exhibit, dear?” Tony swallowed hard, but he had to know. And Steve was in no mental state to tell them. Maybe he should be here and Peggy should be helping them find his pal. He nearly rolled his eyes at the thought. 

“It’s, it’s about Sergeant Barnes, Aunt Peggy.” 

“Bucky? Why he was a nice young man. Attached to Steve at the hilt he was. It was a shame about that last mission. A right shame.” 

“How close were Steve and Barnes?” 

She looked at him rather funnily, “why they were as close as Jarvis and I and Howard were, if not more. They probably knew each other better than Daniel and I did. It was Barnes that really made Steve in Captain America you know.” 

“What? What about the serum?” 

“Well the serum changed him physically, true. But he had the makings of Captain America long before the serum. And afterwards, well he starred in films and sold bonds you know.” Tony nodded, this was common knowledge, everyone knew. “ But when Rogers went rogue, that first time in Italy. It wasn’t because the 107th was his father’s unit like the press reported.” Peggy coughed again. Tony went to hand her the water, but she waved him off. Her eyes were glassy and she stared past him without truly seeing anything as she reminisced about all those years ago. 

“Steve went right to Colonel Phillips, as soon as he knew it was Barnes’ unit. Told him flat out he needed that casualty list. And when Phillips confirmed Barnes had been on it he was going to walk to Austria before I convinced Howard to fly him in.” She shook her head. 

Tony hadn’t heard this part of the story before. Cap had gone awol when he heard the 107th had been captured, a unit based out of his hometown of Brooklyn. “So he went for Barnes?” 

Peggy nodded. “I’m sure he wanted to help everyone, but it was Barnes that spurred him to action. And Barnes that served as his right hand and his sniper during the war.” 

“But Barnes was captured, why wasn’t he sent home?” No one had ever really clarified this for Tony. 

Peggy shook her head again. “He was offered leave, but he refused. He and Steve were the dynamic duo. Always planning together. He kept Steve grounded, and Steve convinced him to get out of his comfort zone a bit. Everyone had baggage, of course. But, Barnes. Well, now we call it, what is it dear?” 

“PTSD?” Tony filled in questioningly. 

“Yes darling. He tried to hide it, we knew better than to mention it. And then the mission to the Alps. I think Steve’s own nightmares started then.” 

“Cap had nightmares?” Peggy nodded solemnly. Steve, Steve was brilliant and bright and an excellent soldier and tactician. He truly was. But he was never the same after the Alps. I’ll never forget. We were sent on leave to London. There was an air raid. Nothing I said could make him come into the shelter. I had to leave him. He just sat there. Through the whole damn thing. And when I found him afterwards? He’d gone through, oh I can’t even remember, several bottles of whiskey and was complaining about how he couldn’t get drunk.” Peggy shook her head. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such grief since.” 

“But, didn’t he go on to take Hydra out?” 

“Why, of course dear. He was Captain America. Now, what did you want to talk about? Would you like some tea?” Tony started, but recovered quickly. 

“Not today, Aunt Peg. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. I’ll be back in a few weeks, ok?” But she had dozed off in bed already. Tony smiled down at his Godmother and shut the light off on his way out. He should have been more careful. It wasn’t good to tire her out so much. Good thing Sharon hadn’t stuck around. He needed to cross check what he’d found out with the others. He needed to make sure the Press didn’t have access to Peggy. “Jarvis?” He strode out of the building, muttering to himself and called his suit once more. 

 


	23. Chapter 23

Steve knew he was acting irrationally. He couldn’t keep locking himself in his room. Heck, it wasn’t even his. Maybe it was a guest room? He wasn’t even sure. Hopefully it wasn’t Sam’s room. 

Bucky had been right there. Right there and sound enough to be watching his back. He must have recovered somehow. He had to have right?

Steve wasn’t sure anyone could recover from what Hydra had done to Bucky. He’d read the files. He knew what they’d done to him. Scrambling his brains. Oh there were fancy words for it, but Bucky’s brain was like fucking scrambled eggs now. 

Steve was pacing. He couldn’t sit down. Bucky was out there, alone. Steve had left him alone when he’d fallen from that train, look how that had ended up. 

Steve should have gone and looked for him. 

Steve should have gone and looked for him. 

Steve should have gone and looked for him. 

Steve rubbed the back of his neck. Bucky had always been there for him. He’d made sure Steve hadn’t been a complete social outcast. He’d made sure Steve didn’t get in over his head with bullies. He’d made sure Steve hadn’t lived alone. He’d made sure Steve had enough to eat after his mom had passed. Hell, he’d even made sure Steve had a date half the time. And then the war. Sure, Steve made sure Bucky walked out of Austria. But after that? Bucky had his back with Howard and Peggy. Bucky had his back from the sniper spots. Bucky had his back on the ground. And Bucky had his back on that fucking train. 

Someone knocked on the door. It was probably Sam. A slight chance it was Nat. The others were too nervous. Steve had heard Tony fly off to God knows where, he hadn’t returned yet. 

They knocked again. Steve opened the door, he’d been right, Sam was standing there. 

Steve opened his mouth, but Sam was ready. ‘Where would he go?” Steve started, shrugged, and stared at his feet. He didn’t know where the Solider would go. “No, Steve. Where would Bucky go?” 

Steve looked up, hope starting to reach his eyes again. “Home. Bucky would go home.” Sam nodded. 

“Let’s go.” 

Steve looked through the door, hoping to see what the others were doing. “Just us?” 

“You think we should take Nat? If she comes Barton will want to come, and if Barton comes we might as well wait for Stark.” Steve gave Sam a long look, and then looked over his shoulder and called down the hallway, “Sam and I are going for a run, back in an hour.” 

Steve nodded at Sam, and they walked out the door.


	24. Chapter 24

_“Come on, it’ll be fun. Steve, we came all the way out here, you have to at least go on the rides.” Steve had a sensitive stomach. He knew that, but, they had saved forever to come out here. “You’ll regret it if you don’t ride, Steve. Come on.”_

_Steve agreed._

_It was great. They were flying! Actually flying. Steve looked green. It was almost over. The eased back to the start. He had to help Steve out of the car. He still looked green. A guy behind them sniggered. He clenched his fist and turned, but Steve grabbed his arm and shook his head._

_They made it as far as the next trash can before Steve started hurling. It was only a few minutes before he stood up, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. “I’m fine, Buck,” and he’d grinned when he said it._

_He clapped Steve on the back, and laughed, they were kidding around with one another. The guy from behind them on the coaster walked by, pointing at Steve, laughing again. “Hey!” It was his own voice. “What’s so funny?”_

_“I think you’re friend there shoulda stayed home, he can’t t even handle a few turns.”_

_What did he say?_

_It didn’t matter, he swung his fist and knocked the loudmouth right over._

He sat up. Geez, his head was throbbing again. Coney Island. They’d gone to Coney Island. Steve . . . Steve had been much smaller. They had . . . laughed about it later? He couldn’t, he couldn’t remember.

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep. He had just closed his eyes for a minute. He was sitting against a convenience store window, it was still dark out. He checked his watch, it was early morning.

“Hey, hey buddy!” He jumped. He needed to be more careful. Things like this shouldn’t surprise him. He turned toward the voice, and his eyes widened.

It was a pair of police officers.

The ‘hey buddy’ guy was still talking. What was he saying? “ . . . Sleep here, it’s not a place for that. You gotta go.”

Bucky eyed the cops, one was in much better shape than the other, but much better shape wouldn’t be much of a problem for him. He raised his hands, shoot he hadn’t put his gloves back on.

“Gun! Drop the weapon!” They were screaming, he had guns, on him, of course he did, but he hadn’t drawn them! He swore he hadn’t drawn a single weapon. Both cops were advancing slowly, weapons drawn. They were still shouting.

He could not be captured. The handler would be very upset. Who was his handler again?

One police office tried to make a grab for his arm, and he sprang into motion. He grabbed the weapon, bending it in half in his metal fingers. He used his human arm and dropped the cop with one punch, the second one was yelling into something. But a knee to the gut cut him off abruptly, and he slammed him into the ground.

Both laid in silence. He was breathing hard. Who was he? Soldat? No, Soldat would have been much cleaner. He was Bucky.

He was Bucky.

He was Bucky.

He was Bucky.

He kept chanting to himself. He needed to move. Where should he go? Every cop in Brooklyn would be here before long.

The sun was starting to rise and he pulled his hood up and made his way across the street and through a park unseen and then out onto the sidewalk.

He was heading for Coney Island.


	25. Chapter 25

Natasha was still scrolling through her phone on the couch. The guys probably thought she was surfing instagram or something. Well except for Clint. He knew what she was doing. 

She was working. 

She was reading, and scanning, and waiting for her contacts to get back to her. The Soldat had slipped her somehow, but she would find him again. 

She knew he was good, he’d evaded her since the desert incident, but once she had a lead she normally kept track of people. He kept disappearing, and then showing up again. She didn’t need to see him, he needed his space to recover. But really, what harm would it do to make sure that’s what he was doing?

Clint caught her eye from the kitchen, holding up the coffee pot to see if she wanted any. She shook her head, but watched him take a huge swallow from the pot. Nat smiled, he’d been doing that as long as she’d known him. 

He phone dinged. 

It was a Google alert. Her eyes flashed across the screen. She stared at it long enough that Clint put the coffee pot down. “What is it?” 

She finally looked up from the phone. “Call Steve. It’s time we got involved.” 

 

Steve wasn’t answering. Neither was Sam. Tony did, of course. He was on his way back. “What’s up, Romanoff?” 

“I have a situation. Two NYPD cops are in intensive care with head wounds. What appeared to be a homeless man in Brooklyn pulled a gun, but never fired it, instead knocked both of them out.”

“Could be our guy. What’s Rogers say?” 

“I can’t get ahold of him,” Nat shook her head as she talked. Clint had stopped watching over the counter and had come back in his suit. He checked his hearing aid batters, and then counted arrows before slipping them into a quiver.

“You can’t get ahold of him? Where did he go?” 

“He and Wilson left forty five minutes ago for a run. They’re not back yet.” 

“Romanoff, I’m not even a spy and that sounds fishy. I’m landing in five, we can go from there.” 

By the time Tony had landed and his suit was back into briefcase form, Nat and Clint were both dressed and armed. 

“I still can’t reach Rogers. He’s probably already halfway to New York. Let’s take the Jet.”

They were landing by the time they heard from Sam. He and Steve were driving over the Brooklyn Bridge. Natasha heaved a heavy sigh. “Don’t do anything stupid. And don’t look for the Soldat until we get there.” 

“Uhhh, Nat, I’m not sure that’s gonna fly,” Sam glanced at Steve, “Rogers is pretty set on his plan.” 

“Is Steve driving?” Natasha’s nearly ran into Clint’s back when he stopped in front her, gesturing wildly to Tony, something about his apartment being nearby. 

“Yep, heading toward the park where the officers were knocked out yesterday and we’re gonna go from there.” 

“Don’t leave the park without me, we’ll meet you there.” She slipped her phone back into her pocket. “Stark, do you have a suit?” Tony nodded at her, glancing over the top of his sunglasses before checking his phone one last time. Clint was still going on about dog. 

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll go see the dog after we rendezvous with Rogers. Let’s hail a cab.” 

“A cab?” Clint and Tony exclaimed at the same time.” 

“It’s the fastest way to where we’re going, we can’t take the subway with Stark. Let’s go boys. “


	26. Chapter 26

Tony wasn’t exactly sure what was going on. But Steve had snuck out to go for a jog and ended up in New York and apparently that’s where Barnes was heading too? 

He honestly couldn’t keep up at this point. 

Nat was talking very fast to Sam on the phone and hailing a cab at the same time. He wasn’t paying that much attention, was too busy tapping his fingers against his IronWatch. 

“Tony!” He snapped out of it and climbed into the back of the cab.

“Coney Island, Please.” He barely registered Natasha’s directions to the cabby before it hit him. 

“Coney Island?” Nat eyed him in the review while Clint shook his head. 

“That’s where Steve said they’re heading. Something about a roller coaster and a fair and his enlistment and Barnes’ last night at home.” She was still looking at her phone, as though willing Steve to text her. 

Tony frowned. “Dad said Steve enlisted at a fair he presented at, they met back up for Steve’s procedure. Is it safe for Barnes to be at an amusement park?” 

“You want to be the one to tell Barnes that?” Clint smirked from the seat next to Tony, who shrugged in agreement. 

They rode the rest of the way in silence, broken only by Nat and Tony’s tapping on their respective devices. 

When they pulled up Nat stepped gracefully out the cab, “Tony, pay the man.” He was left spluttering and asking the man if he took a card, then swiping, adding a tip and signing. He didn’t even hear his watch ping. 

Only when he thanked the cabby again and stepped up onto the curve with Nat and Clint did he realize their mistake. “We don’t have coms in, Nat.” 

She sighed. “I know. Stay within sight of one another.” Clint rolled his eyes at Tony. They both knew that Nat was giving directions for him. “Wave if you have eyes on Rogers or Barnes. Do not engage Barnes. We owe it to Steve to let him take point.” 

Tony nodded, but he was already looking at his watch again. He frowned, and pulled out his phone, walking at the same time. JARVIS had a hit on something that might be Loki’s scepter. “Narrow the search J, add in some filters and get back to me,” he shut the watch down, but by the time he was finished Nat and Clint were both staring. 

“Are you done? We’ve got to rendezvous with Rogers and Wilson,” Natasha’s voice was disapproving, but Tony shrugged it off. He shrugged most things off. Jarvis would run the filters through, he needed to focus on Rogers. He hadn’t come out so well last time he’d seen the soldier. 

Nat was talking in his hear. “Say it again, Romanoff.” He tried to ignore her heavy sigh. 

“Rogers wears a ball cap when he’s incognito. He’s probably got a white shirt, possibly a jacket, and jeans on.” Of course that’s how he would go undercover. Tony rolled his eyes. 

“My eyes are open Romanoff. We’ll see them.” But Tony hadn’t seen anyone he even thought might be Steve when Nat flipped him the bird from twenty feet away. 

Tony started toward her, checking in with Jarvis again on his way. He practically bumped into her before noticing her leaning against a tree, she was standing in the shade. 

“I’ve got eyes on Rogers. He’s left, Wilson’s right. No sign of the Soldat.” Tony raised an eyebrow at her Russian accent on the last word, but said nothing. He almost missed Nat’s directions again, “backup for Rogers. Not sure what the Soldat is thinking, keep your eyes open.” 

She didn’t notice. 

He frowned at her, Nat noticed everything. Tony followed her gaze across the crowded sidewalk to a very conspicuous Steve Rogers. Tony groaned, spy work really wasn’t Steve’s thing, was it? Sam was there too, deep in conversation with Steve, their subject was painfully obvious from the short glances both men kept taking of him—a homeless man sitting on a bench. 

“He knows they’re there,” Nat was murmuring to herself. “They’re going to set him off, we have to pull them out.” She looked desperately at Tony before shaking her head. “Stay here.” 

Tony made a grab for her arm, but his hand closed around air. Nat was already striding purposefully toward the homeless man—the homeless man who wasn’t a homeless man after all, but the Winter Soldier. Tony started after her, this was not their plan! But a hand on his chest stopped him. 

It was Clint. “She’s got it man, let her go. Keep your sights on Rogers.” Tony sighed. He nodded at Clint. 

“Barton, look,” he pointed. Steve had seen Natasha approaching the Soldier and was moving to intercept her. “Steve’s gonna get in the way,” Tony started forward again, but this time was distracted by a frantic beeping from the IronWatch. 

“What it is?” Barton asked suspiciously, not trusting the watch. 

“It’s Jarvis, he has a hit on Loki’s Scepter. A Hydra base in Sokovia.”  
“Can we get in?” Barton was asking Tony, but his eyes never left Natasha, who was arguing with Steve thirty feet away from the Soldier, who was still observing them on the bench. 

“It’s gonna be a team effort. I’ll put in a call to Banner, can you get Thor?” Tony assumed Banner nodded because he was already tapping into his cell phone. “And Barton?” Clint turned back to him. “Get the jet, I’ll bring Nat and Steve in. Everyone can rendezvous in an hour.” 

Tony didn’t notice Barton leave, but set up his IronWatch before crossing the sidewalk to where Steve and Nat continued to argue. 

“knows me, he needs help Nat, not to be left out on the streets, look at him.” 

“He needs to figure things out, I’m keeping my ears open. If he hurts anyone I’ll know and we can bring him in. But he deserves a shot, Steve.” 

“His best shot is with me. I . . . I was so lost when I came out of the ice Nat. There was no one, and it doesn’t have to be like that for him.” 

“This is a different,” but Tony cut her off. 

“Rogers, Romanoff, I’ve got a hit on the scepter. We need to move.” Steve frowned at Tony. 

“Stark, we’re a little busy here. Let me ask Bucky if he,” 

“He cannot come with us, Steve. We are walking straight to a Hydra base.” Steve’s face was thunderous. He turned back toward his friend, but the bench was empty. The soldier had slipped away while they’d been arguing. 

“Steve,” Nat’s voice had gone particularly soft. “Give him time. We’ll find him. He came here for a reason. He wants to connect, but he has to find himself first.” Tony eyed Steve while Nat spoke, his face suddenly looked as if he might cry. 

And then, it hardened again. “We’re meeting Clint at the airfield?” Tony nodded. “Have Banner and Thor meet us there too. We need the debrief on the flight. Sam, are you in?” 

Sam studied Steve carefully for a moment before speaking. “I’m going to run interference for our friend, see if I can keep tabs on him.” Tony’s eyes bounced back and forth between both men. How had they become so close so fast? Steve nodded, his face changing ever so slightly. It almost seemed as though he mouthed something to Sam before looking at both Nat and Tony. 

“Let’s go. It’s time to suit up.”


	27. Chapter 27

Steve was trying to focus. He really was. It was convenient that they’d already been in New York. A quick trip by the tower to pick up Thor and Banner and they’d been on their way. 

It was a long flight to Sokovia, which gave Steve plenty of time to review the notes, strategize and prep his team. 

If he could only focus. 

“Steve?” It was Natasha, eyeing him from her seat. “What are you thinking?” 

Steve took a quick glance at his notes before looking at her. “Strucker’s probably there. Fortified base with outlying bunkers. They’ll be a decent amount of men, several other bases have probably evacuated.” 

She eyed him carefully. 

“Steve . . . the plan, it’s ok, right?” 

“I’ve got it Nat. You’re gonna find wheels, Stark’s gonna be up top. It’ll be tough going into the base because of the wall. But not horrible with the fliers.” He shuffled the papers as he talked, but his eyes never left the phone sitting on the table next to him. 

She nodded at him carefully, “we’re trusting you to get us out of there, Steve.” 

He looked her in the eyes this time, gave a single nod, and spread the papers back out again.


	28. Chapter 28

Bucky wasn’t sure where he was. He supposed it didn’t really matter, but it was loud and dirty and he was so tired. He was banging his head against the wall, over and over again. 

He was losing everything he needed to feel. 

Steve wasn’t here. Steve wouldn’t be coming here. He smiled at the thought. “Sarge?” He opened his eyes. It was Dum Dum. 

“Dugan.” He struggled to his feet, the mud was getting ridiculous. 

“Orders are here. It’s important that we breach the line. They’re worried about those guys over there pushing forward and overrunning the main camp.” Bucky frowned. 

“What’s intelligence say?” 

“They won’t be expecting it, sir. They’re busy in development and have minimal coverage at the line. It’s no known what they’re developing, and breaking that line is the way to find out.” 

He nodded. “Orders coming from the top?” 

Dum Dum nodded. “Within a few hours, sir.” Bucky nodded. 

The next few hours were a blur. All he could remember was rushing, out of the trench towards the enemy line. And when they got there . . .chaos. 

They were holding their own, they were even winning. And then . . . a brilliant blue light . . . the man next to him was. 

What the hell? The blue lights were everywhere. Men were disappearing right and left. They needed to pull out . . . they were all going to die. 

Dum Dum was yelling at him from twenty feet away. He couldn’t hear him. Where was the CO? They were being eaten alive, someone needed to do something. Suddenly Dum Dum was there. “CO’s gone, Sarge. What’s your call?” 

The blue lights were still coming. His remaining men were on the ground, in the bushes, behind rocks and trees. He needed to think quickly. “I need anyone from here back to retreat, and anyone in front is going to surrender. I want as many of these boys back to camp as possible. Spread the word. You have ten minutes.” 

He waited until the remaining men knew their orders. 

He dropped his gun, raised his hands, and allowed himself to become a prisoner of war for the first time. 

 

 

Bucky woke with his hands raised in the air. He was in London, in a crummy hostel he’d rented for the night. He needed to get to the mainland. Coney Island hadn’t brought back any memories he didn’t already have. 

And Rogers had found him easily. 

And if Rogers could find him, Hydra could find him. 

He slipped out of bed and down to the common area for a cup of coffee before heading out. He still had his backpack. He glanced at the clock on the wall. He had a few minutes. And the teenager behind the desk was sleeping. Slipping a spiral notebook out of the backpack he copied the latest dream. He scribbled quickly across the paper, switching from English to Russian, then Arabic? But he finished in English, took a last look at the still sleeping teenager and made for the door. 

He was halfway out the door when the images on the silent tv caught his attention. The Avengers . . . Steve . . . were in Sokovia. 

The city was flying. Sokovia was flying. 

The subtitles were moving across the screen in English, but he couldn’t read them, he was too distracted by the images in the background. Why was Steve on a flying city? He left Rogers alone for a few weeks. And now look. He was on a flying city. How was he going to get out? The newswoman was talking about robots now. 

Steve was on a flying city with flying robots. 

He needed to help. He needed a plane. It would be nearly impossible to get a plane from the UK, but he if could get across the channel . . . . he needed a way to call Natalia. He didn’t have a phone, and he didn’t know if she had one. No, the best idea was to cross the channel and steal a plane, or, worst-case scenario, a car. 

 

 

 

It took him ten hours to get the supplies he needed and cross the channel. 

It was all over by the time he got there. The city had been evacuated. The rock had been blasted apart. Rogers had been evacuated. He’d seen a newswoman interviewing him. He was fine. Bucky let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. 

Rogers would be fine. He needed to go underground. With Sokovia safe they’d start searching for him again. He needed to hide. It was a good thing part of him was still the Winter Soldier, because that part of him knew exactly what to do.


	29. Chapter 29

Steve’s room at the compound had everything he could ever want. There was a king sized bed in the center with a solid blue duvet over white sheets. The walls were blue too, but a shade so light they were almost white. An easel and stool stood in the corner with sketching supplies next to it. A media center holding a TV faced the bed, flanked by bookshelves filled with a mix of books and DVDs ranging from 1945 to new releases. A black and white photograph of him and Bucky from the old days hung on the wall. It was the same one of them laughing that the Smithsonian had, but was a grainy still rather than old video. Nothing about the room said Captain America. Nothing said Avengers. It was perfect.

He wasn’t sure how Tony had gotten it so perfect, but he thought Pepper might have had a hand in it. 

As perfect as his room was, and he had to admit it was pretty perfect, it didn’t truly feel like home. His bunk in the war had felt more like home. He had an attached full bath and a walk in closet. But the closet was empty. His entire wardrobe fit into a dresser along the opposite wall. 

Steve was the only one who knew, but just inside the closet door, two blankets and a pillow lay on the floor. But the makeshift bed wasn’t what dominated the small room. 

He was sitting curled up 

The entire back wall was covered in pictures, scribbled notes, and a map with pins stuck into various cities. Steve knew what t looked like. It made him look crazy. No one had any reason to go into his closet, but he thought Sam might have some idea of what he kept. 

Steve liked to think he was busy—he had meetings with Nat, he held team and group training sessions, he organized and led missions. 

But . . . work was all Steve had. Work and his team and the search for Bucky. 

Someone knocked on his bedroom door. “One second,” it took some finagling to get himself up and out of the closet, and by the time he got to the door whoever was knocking was pounding on it again. 

Steve wrenched it open. Sam was on the other side, an eyebrow already raised. “Nat got a hit on Rumlow.” Steve was already pulling the door shut behind him to lead Sam down the hall towards the conference room. 

“Grab Wanda while Nat fills me in, wheels up in 30.” Sam peeled off and headed down another hallway. It only took Steve and Natasha 20 minutes to review her source, hash out the beginning of a plan and head for the jet. 

Steve could see that Wanda was nervous, this would be the first mission with them all in different recon locations. “Easy, kid. We’re all commed, up it’s gonna be fine.” She smiled at him, but didn’t say anything. 

It started as a standard mission. 

And then? Rumlow mentioned Bucky. 

Steve couldn’t focus. Wanda saved his life that much was certain. And he’d been running on autopilot ever since.

He couldn’t remember calling fire and rescue. He couldn’t remember evacuating the civilians from the area. He couldn’t remember talking with the various officials who’d intercepted him before getting back to the jet. He’d said “no comment” to at least three reporters, kept Wanda under his arm, and gotten them all to the jet. Tony had called before they’d reached full altitude. 

Steve made eye contact with Nat before saying, “let it ring, I’ll talk to him in the morning.” Steve sighed, he just, needed a nap before he dealt with Tony.   
 


End file.
